I've been on tblog for a couple years now or more? dunno - it's all a bloggy blur!  but it's not very much fun any more.

Is it just me? 

I have long had a struggle within myself. Well, many, but here's one that's keeping me up at night. I am often disappointed and frustrated with people because ... after deep thought... they aren't saying or doing what I want.

Examples -
I do a fantastic job putting a report together for BossPerson and hand it in early. Instead of "thanks, great job!" it's "what about the other 2 reports I asked you to do".
In a relationship, I say something like "I loved spending time with you, it really brought us closer" and instead of "I loved it too, lets do it again" it's "yea, it was nice".

What’s in common? I want someone to recognize that I am, or that I did, something special. I want to be validated. I want to feel connected and appreciated. When I’m not, I feel disappointed and frustrated with myself for being so dependent on their feedback.

So – problem recognized. What to do about it? Acceptance.

Over the years I’ve come to accept that my mom will never put her arms around me and say “Sheryl, I’m proud of you.” She feels it, but I doubt she ever says it. I can either languish that she doesn’t change, or I can accept that she is different and just accept and love her on her level.

I accept that Steve may not be the ultimate guy for me. It’s ok if he doesn’t say all the things I’d like, I shall just enjoy it for what it is.

I accept that BossPerson has a great mind for details and numbered lists. It’s not a slap in the face, she’s simply moved on to what is next.

I’m starting to feel like Stuart Smalley. “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” I know I don’t need other people’s affirmations that I’m special.

But it sure would feel nice.

(slaps hand)

“I'm sorry, this isn’t my best show…”

That’s the interesting thing about being a human. We’re always works in progress.

I just caught this on CNN.Com and frost then fire started running through my veins.  I take to heart the ideals that my country, the USA, were founded on.  I am fiercely proud of our military and the honor with which most of them serve.  

BUT... if the recruitment is down - does that not indicate that young people - the ones that are still idealistic, not us jaded old farts - aren't taking up the cause to enlist, then why would people my age rush to join the fray?  A few, perhaps, but large numbers?

Perhaps the deterrent isn't the age limits but the cause itself.

Pentagon wants to raise age limit for recruits

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- Faced with major recruiting problems sparked by troop deployments in Iraq and Afghanistan, the Pentagon has asked Congress to raise the maximum age for U.S. military enlistees from 35 to 42 years old.
... click for more.

Chatting with senguwolf reminded me of a book I read long ago that deeply impacted me.  Kahlil Gibran's book .  It is a lovely read and full of simple yet deeply moving things to chew on, as Grandmother used to say.

I found it online here: http://www.columbia.edu/" title="http://www.columbia.edu/" target="_blank"http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibtable.html  but if you like it, I recommend buying a copy to read, hold, cherish, and read again. 

Here's Chapter 3 on Marriage - which would apply to all relationships from teenage heart-swoons to ... well... older age heart-swoons :)  
Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, master?"
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Isn't that beautiful? 
Envision the two pillars at a doorway.  If one leans too heavily on the other, the whole structure is weakened.  That structure, or a relationship, is strongest when the two can stand independently, but CHOOSE to be near each other.  

I feel badly when I see people write of deep angst and anguish from being apart from their partner (say, during the day while at work).  I think that should set off some warning bells.  It's healthy to rejoice when you are with your partner, but I've always thought of true love being something that lifts you up and makes you stronger. 

Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone experienced that today.

We have a pretty small group where I work - not really a group, since 8 us of report to 5 different managers - more of a hodgepodge :)  Anywhoo, the way birthdays work is that if it's your birthday and you wish to acknowledge it, then you bring in a treat for the gang.   This was started a couple years ago because (1) a frumpy butt didn't like us bringing stuff in and reminding him he was old - but bitched if we didn't! and (2) it's the lazy way - nobody has to remember a birthday but their own.  It goes against my grain as a party-giver but I've slowly come around to the idea.  Today is Bob's birthday so he brought in a treat. 

But that's not what I wanted to write about.  I like to listen to the rather irreverant Bob and Tom radio show, nationally syndicated and available around the world via the web.  On their show "celebrate Bob's Birthday" is code for "had sex". 

Lord help me get through this day with a straight face.  Have I celebrated Bob's birthday?  Not yet - but the week isn't over yet ;)

I miss you already, Scotty!  James Doohan, actor who portrayed Scotty on Star Trek, passed away Wednesday morning.  I can only imagine the jokes that will be on Leno tonight. 

It's damn hot and humid outside.  What is this, Houston?

Google.com has a nifty tribute to the anniverary of man's first landing on the moon.  Go to www.google.com and click the moon (or the alien dudes). 

I'm listening to Yogi's album, Salve today.  Repeatedly.  DAMN he's a cool musician.  You can go to www.wonky.net or www.wonky-records.com to listen and find out more about him.   I own "Salve" and "Any Raw Flesh" and adore them both.  Crunchy.  Rockin.  I dig.

A pal at work just finished Harry Potter 6.  All she can say is "WoW!  WHOA!  I can't believe... WOW!"   I take that as a thumbs-up review.

I have a tribute of sorts to my mom here.
and a blog dedicated to Katie-stories here.  It's for family and friends to keep up on the daily stuff of the little tyke. 

Sybil's blog this morning had me howling with laughter.

I went to Arby's this morning.  I ordered the Medium Combo #1, which said $4.19.  At the window, it was $4.98.  Hmm?  "because the medium is now the small, and the Big Montana is now the large, so the medium is bigger and now it costs more."  *blink* Ok.  Fix your sign then.  :roll:

I'm kinda floaty today, does it show? 

It's been lovely here at the parental units' abode.  Dad got to spend some one on one time with Katie while I just chilled and watched some tv.  She's at such a fun age, and she's a bit loopy, so she's triple-fun to hang out with.  In my oh-so-humble opinion, anyway.

Shame we have to leave tomorrow and go back to the daily grind, but it's been a nice break.  Dad's are cool. 

Please OH PLEASE go take this Dork Quiz!!!

http://www.csua.berkeley.edu/" title="http://www.csua.berkeley.edu/" target="_blank"http://www.csua.berkeley.edu/...~sarahfsk/dork.html

I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours!  ;)

Found this on We're Not Afraid

You tell'em!!!

AmyHCAlum said something her Dad says a lot "Was some good stuff Maynard!"  and that reminded me of "don't look at me, McGee" (my Dad uses McGhee a lot)...  I vaguely recall reading somewhere that used this way, McGee is Scottish slang for "sweetie", or something like that?

Are there any funny/odd little sayings like this that you've picked up from your family or friends along the say?  Surely Amy and I aren't the only odd ones ;)  (and no, "no shit, Sherlock" doesn't count)

My daughter's dance class resumes today after a little break.  I was thinking about this as I was in the shower this morning.  That's my time to wake up and think about whatever I need to gather from the house before leaving for the day. 

I was thinking about how fun my Dad was at her recital.  My Dad is a loving man, but kinda like a bear in a cave.  He's rather grumpy when he is drug away from it.  Add his aversion to crowds (social situations in general) and he's not a lot of fun at social events.  I remember my high school musicals etc. and when he was there, it was usually under duress.  I always knew he was proud of me but that he'd rather be somewhere else.  I grew to accept that and not feel too badly about it.  It's just how he was. 

When Katie's recital came up, I expected some grousing from the old guy.  Instead, he was relaxed, his face was lit up, and he laughed all through the 30+ dance numbers even though his granddaughter was only in one. 

It got me thinking.  When he was about my age now, I was in high school and college.  He was busy, stressed, and being very introverted, he needed lots of private recovery time.  Which means he missed a lot of my brother's and my childhood.  Now he's retired and he's enjoying every minute he's breathing.  He's a different person.  Happier.  Calmer.  He dances :) 

Don't wait until you are 65 to discover what's important.  It's not the meetings, the business, or any of those things that stress us out and consume our energy.  It's the tiny moments that are special.  Sharing a look with someone who knows exactly what you're thinking.  Watching a hummingbird hover.  Discovering the sun beams peeking through the clouds.  Finding a little red flower hiding in a patch of yellow daisies.   Indulging in an ice cream sundae just because.  Breaking into dance for no apparent reason. 

Enjoy your day.  Enjoy your weekend.  Enjoy your life.

Remember: Chatter Bean quizzes are non-scientific, non-fat and pretty much just non-sense. They are meant solely for entertainment purposes and are not intended to provide an accurate evaluation of……well of anything.

The bombings in London today sadden me deeply.  It takes just a few humans with evil hearts to cause such damage.  I bid peace to everyone affected by their actions.

Baba ganush is the stuff of the gods.  I love the little "Mediterranean" restaurant down the block.  They call it Mutabel and serve it with warm pita bread.  Holy moley it's delicious. That warm garlicy smell stays with ya all day, too! :)

Mr. Postman, look and see... if there's a letter, a letter for me... Please Mr. Postman... I need that reimbursement check PRONTO!

Today was catch up on bills and appointments day.  Just as I get the credit cards paid down, the van needs service.  Whee!  As Roseanne Rosannadanna says, "If it's not one thing, it's another thing."

Prayers for my mother and the rest of the mission crew.  They leave for Guatemala tomorrow for the jungles still inhabited by the Maya.  They'll be building a home for the minister there.  They have to take 2 interpreters: one for English to Spanish, and one for Spanish to the local language (no idea how to spell it).  I hope they journey safely and have a wonderful experience.

Prayers also for the G8.  As I tell my daughter, let's make some good choices, please. 

Speaking of my daughter, I could use one of her hugs.  Toodles...

My daughter delights in eating mustard around my mother because Mom puts on a big show about how it grosses her out.

Well.  She outdid herself at the DFW airport.  We were eating burgers and fries (with about a quart of ketchup) and chocolate chip cookies for dessert. 

Note the proximity of the words "ketchup" and "chocolate chip cookies".  Yes.  She dipped her finger in the ketchup, smeared it on the cookie, and ate it.  Shudder.  I still can't talk about it.